Sober Sis Blog

Jan 10 | Written By Jenn Kautsch

How To Start An Alcohol Free Lifestyle

For YEARS I was stuck in what I call the “Detox-to-Retox” loop.

That's right, healthy, mindful by day and then would undo it almost every evening with my wine habit.

I’m sharing a bit about my personal story and really how I have found freedom and live a wholehearted life without feeling trapped.

This was after struggling for years to break out of the habit…

…but it didn't start that way.

I started drinking a little bit later in life, a little bit later than maybe you even.

I’ve also come to realize though, that people do start drinking at very different times, for very different reasons.

My twenties were all about getting married and building a family.

I grew up in a home where alcohol wasn’t a big deal and I had many friends who didn't drink… so in my younger years it wasn't such a big temptation.

Honestly I could just look around and it was more of a cautionary tale.

I didn’t start drinking until I was a young mom in my early thirties.

I was a working mom, home with my kiddos by day and networking in the evenings.

I started to find myself at various happy hours, bars, and the whole nine yards.

That's when I started dabbling in the social-ness of drinking.

Which is such a part of our society AND our culture.

It wasn't until my early to mid-40s that I really felt that it was not working for me or serving me.

By day I was doing everything in my power to be responsible, mindful, and healthy.

I was going to my hot yoga, drinking my kale juice and really doing all the things by day then at 5:00 it was like my ticket to “my time”, “me time”, “mommy time”.

I really bought into the culture of it.

It wasn't until I started raising teenagers in my forties that I started to feel like I couldn't keep it up.

I felt like I was living a duplicitous life, one person by day and another person by night.

I would kind of numb out / check out.

I want to be a good example for my kids.

I wanted to show them that you don't have to have a drink every time it's offered.
That you don’t have to drink every time it is socially available and you certainly don't have to use it when you're bored, tired, angry, or lonely.

...but that’s not what I was modelling.

It caused a lot of tension and mental tug-a-war in me.

Not only with the example I wanted to be, but who I wanted to be inside.

Some of the mistakes I made early on…

When I turned 40 that's when I really started making some of the mistakes as I was trying to change my drinking.

I was waiting for my husband to change with me. I was waiting for my circumstances to change so that I could change, but that was definitely not going to happen.
The more I was waiting for external things to change or happen for me so that I could change internally, the more trapped I became in this crazy cycle.
Another thing that did not work for me was WILLPOWER. It always gave out on me.
I would wake up with such good intentions and then just as fast, they were gone.

What did work for me?

I finally did break the cycle and got out of the detox just to retox loop.

#1 is knowledge.

Knowledge is power. I began to understand alcohol, literally having to explain to me through books and podcasts.

I started noticing all the resources available.

All the podcasts, books, science available which really was changing the conversation and helping me realize I wasn't a moral failure.

I learned that my brain was actually working perfectly fine.

I had trained my brain to desire alcohol.

If I could create that, I could recreate that into a healthier process.

Quite honestly I didn't know how, but I knew the first step was really giving my mind something new to think on.

I found more information to understand the craving cycle, why drinking was wrecking my sleep, and undoing my workout. That helped a ton!

The next thing that helped was connection.

So much of what Sober Sis is built on is connection. Every month I start a new 21 Day Reset Challenge. Not only is it all about knowledge and understanding, but it’s about connection.

Finding freedom is all about connection and community because you don’t realize how many other women are struggling like you and feel like you until you get in a community.

One thing I teach in the 21 day Reset is having a strong and powerful WHY.

If you look at any basis for change like hiring a personal trainer, a health/fitness coach, or working with your diet… everybody starts with what is your WHY. That is your motivation.

You've got to know that before you can really move forward because that is the foundation.

It's the building block for when times get hard, when there's temptation, or when you forget why you're doing something that is against the status quo.

I encourage you, don't try to do this by yourself with willpower!

Don’t wait for other people to change to give you permission to change. No WAY!

I give you permission to change right now. You don't even need my permission. You can give it to yourself!

You have permission to change your life and your relationship with alcohol…

At any time, for any reason.

You don't have to wait. You can begin to start that new life right away. The best way to do that is arming yourself with the right information and getting in a community of real support.

Thanks for letting me tell you a part of my story and what worked for me to find lasting change.