Sober Sis Blog

Feb 14 | Written By Jenn Kautsch

Healthy Boundaries to Stop Being an Emotional Sponge

Do you feel like an emotional sponge sometimes?

Are you just absorbing feelings in all the circumstances, situations, and people's emotions around you?

Did you know that you can look at having low boundaries like you're a sponge?

BUT … we can create healthy boundaries to help us from getting overwhelmed with the feelings and circumstances of everyone around us.

That has been a game-changer for me in my sober-minded journey.

There is a key difference between being responsible TO people VS feeling responsible FOR people.

We are not responsible for anyone else’s happiness, success, or for them in general.

I have learned this to be true in my marriage, with my children, and certainly in the work that I get to do with Sober Sis.

I’m responsible to myself, for myself, and TO other people but not FOR other people.

Have you made this distinction in your own life?

I know that you will really reap the benefits and see a big difference.

I know taking in everyone's emotions definitely made me want to check out at night, numb out just a little bit, and hit the eject button.

So instead we can use these practical tips…

1. Use Self-Soothing Techniques

I used to use external things like a glass of wine (or 3) to soothe the discomfort of how I felt around other people's unhappiness, negative reality, or negative emotions.

Using a drink to soothe ourselves in those situations numbs out our feelings and thoughts for a short time but then anxiety and all those thoughts/feelings come right back.

Instead, try using self-soothing techniques like mindful breathing and learn how to really ‘feel the feels’ to avoid getting totally absorbed by others.

2. Become A Critical Thinker

Ask yourself “what am I actually thinking and is this true?”

It’s really about challenging your thoughts.

Just because we think something, does not mean we have to agree with it or that it's true.

In fact, scripture talks a lot about taking back your thoughts…

Taking your thoughts captive and not letting them run wild.

This renews our minds and replaces lies or wrong thinking with truth and right-thinking.

This has made a huge difference in my own life and helps me not absorb all the feelings or thoughts that are around me.

3. Practice a new skill

I just recently did a post on small wins to help when building up your boundary muscle.

We’ve got to start small.

When we start practicing a new skill, we are practicing being responsible to ourselves and FOR ourselves.

It can be something small that is just for you, it just has to be something that will build your confidence!

4. By Yourself Time

A great boundary to have is… don't decide on the spot.

If you're a person with low boundaries or disordered boundaries then you may just say yes to everything.

There is an art to taking a breath when someone asks you to do something or volunteer for something…

We can always say “let me think about that I'll get back to you”.

Even if you already know your answer, it’s so good to practice the pause.

This will help to not take everyone else's emotions and responsibilities in and lets you be honest and authentic to those in your life.

Remember you're responsible to the other people in your life but…

You're most responsible for being honest, authentic, and having healthy boundaries for yourself.

They are not walls, these are just gates or fences you can put up to really allow you to be true to yourself.

We get to decide what we allow in and out of the gate in our yard which has been super helpful for me on this journey of sober-minded living and being present in my own life.

I’m really creating a practice where I'm not hitting the eject button in the evening and one of the ways that I've done this is by not allowing myself (by choice) to become a sponge.